Magical Mary
by Yemi Hikari
Summary: Mary Sues are non believable characters to varying degree. This collection of one-shots satires old Mary Sues various ways. Support Suethors in their growth by critiquing, not flaming.
1. Diana Chambers: Snatching a Letter

_Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own any of the Mary Sues that are featured in this satirical fanfic collection. I am going through the Sue archives of Pottersues for each of these. _

"_The copyright law contemplates that fair use of a copyrighted work without permission shall be for purposes such as (1) criticism and comment, (2) parody and satire, (3) scholarship and research, (4) news reporting and (5) teaching, and that such fair use will not result in the infringement of a copyrighted work." _

_**Dedication – First and foremost, each Sue is dedicated to the original Suethor of each Mary Sue, who shall remain unnamed, as some have kept their old user names and are still around. Writing a Mary Sue is not a bad thing, it is part of the growing process. You can take something old, and turn it into something new and better.**_

_**Also dedicated to all Suethors who have left the site because they were flamed/bullied away. Critique people please! Also dedicated to all the Suethors who never gave up. I myself wrote my own Mary Sue, ever so long ago and I have fond memories of said Sue, though not everyone does. **_

**Magical Mary  
_~Diana Chambers~_**

_Snatching a Letter_

It was mid May when the Chambers' family car drove up into the driveway of the house next door to the Dursley family home. Their daughter, Diana, stepped out of the car as soon as it stopped, brushing away her dirty blond hair from her forehead. A smile spread across her face. That wasn't the Dursley house, but the house of _the _Harry Potter.

She had a book clutched to her chest, the whole thing worn out from reading the book over and over again. She could feel a rush in her head, adrenaline truth be told, resulting from her excitement of a dream actually having the chance to come true. To the brown eyed girl, she took this feeling to be her true love voicing that this was the best thing.

Actually, when she found out from her parents that she would be moving here, she had planned her move out carefully. She had fallen in love with Potter ever since she had found the brand new book lying in the street. She had read everything, and knew exactly what she wanted to do. Her mother calling her name, caused her to let out a yelp.

"Come now, Diana... you start school tomorrow," the woman sighed.

"That is part of the plan," the girl chirped, turning to her mother with bright almond shaped eyes.

Her father made a face at this. "Diana... we're your parents. We're the ones doing the planning here. It is rather odd for someone to come out and say something like that, considering the situation."

However, Diana simply skipped up the pathway, her smile plastered over her face. As soon as she got to the front door, she happened to hurry up the stairs to the room she knew was hers. It was completely unpacked and ready for her to use right away. She opened up her window and glanced out. However, with the setting sun, she couldn't see anything.

**~H-P~**

At school the next day, she found herself being introduced to the entire classroom. She grinned broadly at everyone and looked around for _her _Harry Potter. He had to be there, as they were destined to be together. However, her eyes first came across a rather round boy, picking his nose. Her smile faded as she definitely didn't like seeing that.

The male teacher glanced around the class room, then his eyes settled upon a particular student.. "Chambers... why don't you go and sit behind Potter?"

Clinching her lips tightly, she walked over to where his hand indicated. The boy, with his black hair and glasses didn't bother to look up, which Diana found disappointing. However, she went and took her seat. She opened her mouth to say something to him, however, it came out as a stutter that simply couldn't complete herself.

Her mouth snapped open and a girl leaned over and whispered to her. "I pity you."

"Why's that?" Diana asked, confusion in her voice.

"New girl, you're stuck behind Potter. Nobody likes him," the girl stated firmly.

"I don't understand. Why wouldn't anyone like him?" Diana bubbled out. She glanced at Harry, who simply didn't speak up for himself.

"Because," the girl stated firmly. "Everyone knows that if you try to be his friend, his cousin will beat you up. Plus, his aunt says that he has problems."

The blond haired girl tried to speak up and say something, but then stopped. She thought to herself. "_Wait until you can put your plan into work_. _You aren't meant to get to know him until then."_

**~H-P~**

May passed into June, with Diana becoming more frustrated with the fact that time was not passing as fast as she wanted it too. She sat up in her room, writing in her journal, scribbling things down, then scratching them completely out. One one side, she was excited that the date was becoming closer, and she could finally activate her plan.

On the other hand, she was depressed at the fact that she could be with _her _Harry Potter. She couldn't speak to him at school, due to her mouth clamming up, and the fact that Dudley was in fact likely to bully even a girl. She also rarely saw him outside of school, as his aunt kept him out of public eye whenever she could.

Of course, Diana missed some of the talk that adults were beginning to have around her. For example, the fact that they noticed that the Chambers girl happened to take what everyone considered an unhealthy incident liking to the nephew of the Dudley family. Petunia was rather upfront with people that Harry wasn't exactly all there.

Diana didn't know this, or more of... she didn't understand this. She had read her book, and it told her that Harry was a rather amazing person. Amazing people simply don't have people make biased opinions against them. Of course, that simply only happened in a perfect world. In the real world, people may not always truly understand someone.

She sat in the front yard of her house scribbling in her journal. She had a blanket spread out so she could enjoy the nice weather. This was also so she could be ready for when that particular day came. She used her colored pen to write out her crush thoughts. As she was doing this, she heard a commotion from next door.

Pausing, she stopped to listen. A smile spread on her face when she heard that the next door neighbors were leaving for the zoo. That meant that today was in fact Dudley's birthday. That meant that her day for her plan was even closer. However, as they pulled out of the drive way, she couldn't help but feel a little bit of a wishful thinking.

She wanted to go with them, to the zoo. She wanted to be part of Harry's adventure, all the way through. However, she paused. "_It is better that I wait for the day, like I planned. I will be able to spend __time with him at Hogwarts everyday after that._" She then smiled, and then went back to her journal, scribbling more gushing nothings into her journal.

**~H-P~**

After that day, she began to watch the Dursley place carefully, watching for that one thing that would indicate that it was time to move her plan into action. She also watched around her own house. Her mother raised her eyebrows, a tad bit confused about why her daughter was suddenly acting strange. Then, out of the sky, she saw it come.

It was a beautiful looking owl, and as soon as she saw it, she hurried forward to go after it. The owl, which carried an object in its claws, suddenly startled, dropping the object that it happened to be carrying. Diana hurried forward and picked up the letter. A grin spread on her face, as she recognized the words written on the letter.

Diana took a deep breath, "It's his letter to Hogwarts." She held the letter to her chest. She glanced around though, a little bit perturbed. She was quite sure that her letter should have also been delivered. She bit her lip, glancing around for a second owl, one flying particularly to her place. However, she saw none.

"_It has to be because mine will be delivered later_." She then began to head up the side walk. "_I need to do this now, before more owls with his other letters begin to show up. I can wait for mine to come. I'll knock on the door, hand him the letter, and then he'll be very happy. Also, he'll look in my eyes and fall instantly in love with me._"

However, someone suddenly tapped her from behind. "Excuse me miss."

The girl suddenly blinked, turning around. "Um... hello, who are you?"

"I'm Bode of the Ministry of Magic," the man stated, tipping his hat politely.

"Ahh! Then you are here to deliver my letter so I can go to Hogwarts?" the girl smiled.

"No. You won't be going to Hogwarts young lady," the man stated firmly.

"But, I am... I have magical ability," Diana was a bit perturbed.

"Actually, you don't," the man stated.

"Are you telling me I'm a Muggle?" the girl suddenly closed her mouth shut, her face twisting in anger. "Don't lie to me about this."

"Sorry miss, but you are in fact a Muggle," the man stated. He raised his wand, then muttered a spell. The girl blinked a couple of times, and he then carefully guided the girl so she was heading back towards her own house. Passing her by, on the way out of the house, was a female. "Did you get what you needed Croaker?"

"The journal and the book?" the female stated firmly. "I got both. I don't know who keeps dropping the books, but we have enough alternative universes without one like this."

"I know, I know," the man sighed. "Or the ones who simply drop in from another world. The whole thing is crazy. Eleven to twelve year old kids aren't old enough to date!"

"Yes... but eleven to twelve year old girls are old enough to crush on boys," the female gave a weak smile. "How many more of these do we have to take care of?"

"To many... but then... it is our job. Good thing few people in the Wizarding World know about this..."

**~H-P~**

News soon spread through the neighborhood. Diana had walked into the house, completely confused, and had asked her mother why they no longer lived in their old house. The woman freaked out, and had Mr.. Chambers come home early from work to take their daughter to the hospital. No injury was found, but their daughter definitely had a form of amnesia.

Despite the fact that her parents said that the doctors said there was no injury, there was speculation from some that the doctors didn't do their job right, and that it was a case of TBI. Nobody suddenly forgets a month or two of memories for no reason at all. Thus speculation went around as to who happened to have caused the injury.

However, after the Dursley family gave news of where their nephew was now going to school, many figured it to be him. Some thought it might have been Dudley too, simply because the boy didn't know his own strength, or that was what Petunia insisted on. A few families felt the Dursley family was actually rather shady.

After time, it simply died down. Perhaps though, that was for the best.

_Author's note - Diana, the Sue, found one of Harry's letters and gave it to him, only to have Harry fall instantly in love._

_Here are the things one can learn from this Mary Sue.  
I personally would avoid titles that include that your character is a certain person's love interest, that tends to be a high indicator you have a Mary Sue. As is the OC having an owl just like Harry's. On the end note, Diana shouldn't have been able to find one of Harry's letters easily. I mean, the only people who would have been mailing him letters, would be by Wizarding post_


	2. Lynx Potter: Fabricating a Lie

Author's note – This whole fanfic falls under fair use. Please see first chapter.

_**Dedication – To the original Suethor. Writing a Mary Sue is part of the learning process of become a good writer. Some are minor Mary Sues, others are major ones. I hold that if done right, most characters can be turned into no longer being a Mary Sue. **_

**Magical Mary  
_~Lynx Potter~_**_  
Fabricating a Lie_

If you are someone famous in the Wizarding World, then information about you and who your family is will be easy to find. A girl sat on a bench at the Hogwarts express, awaiting for it to arrive. She wanted desperately to fit in with those around her, to actually be popular at the school that she was going to be going to. She wanted to be friends.

Her family consisted of her mother, a witch, and her father, who was a Muggle. While her family hadn't ever held back in telling her about the world her mother was from, they insisted that she go to a school in the Muggle world, in order to come and understand them, and to form an idea of them that was not the Pureblood biased so many had.

However, she hated it. Truth of the matter was, her hair color was enough to have her be made fun of by her classmates. It was a reddish-brown color, with a blond streak on either side. They teased her constantly about her looks, all of which had started with that hair. She also had an oddity to her, that caused her to be easily ostracized.

She had thus let her bangs grow out to cover her eyes, much like the character in the Japanese Manga, wallflower did. This way, she couldn't see her own eyes, which were a vivid green, indicator of her likely Irish ancestry. It also meant she couldn't see other peoples faces, and compare them to her own. But most of all, it meant that they couldn't see her.

It crossed her mind, as she began to accidentally preform magic without her wand, that she wanted to fit in with those at Hogwarts, the way that she didn't at her old school. Thus, knowing she would receive the letter, began to clip articles of families likely to have important children going to Hogwarts. She closed her mouth, as she glanced through her notebook.

Truth of the matter was, there were only two families that actually stood out to absolutely have children going to school the same year as hers. That was the Potter family, and the Malfoy family. She knew that both had sons in their family that would be going to Hogwarts the same year that she would. Thus, she decided to do more research into the families.

She found James Potter to be ugly, but Lily in fact looked like she could easily be the girls mother. Thus, the girl began to think of this woman as beautiful, to the point of wishing that this woman was her own mother. As for the Malfoy's, she found Narcissa Malfoy's mouth to be twisted into a horrible frown. Lucius' blond hair though, attracted her attention.

Thus, she did some more research. She found out that the Potter parents were actually dead. Lily was also Muggle born, meaning that their son would be half-blood much like this girl was. She also found out that the Malfoy family was rather rich. Having grown up being schooled in the Muggle world, she couldn't help but think of the tabloids.

She thus began to formulate her plan on how to be popular at the school, sure, it would mean that she would have to tell a few lies, but the fact was, these lies would mean she herself was famous, and everyone wanted to be friends with someone who was famous. That was why she had come early, and why her parents hadn't come to bid her good-bye... she said she would be too nervous otherwise.

The train pulled up, and she closed her scrapbook and got up. She had that under her arm, and began to pull her trunk towards the train. A conductor kindly helped get her bag onto the train. She then found a compartment, and slowly let people come in. A few girls sat down near her, rather excited about the whole matter.

"Ahh, hello. My name is Lynx Potter," she stated, a sweet smile on her face. It was a name she had come up with, opening up a dictionary and picking the word that it landed on.

One of the girls gave her a wary eye. "Lynx is a rather odd name."

"Wait... did you say Potter?" the other girl quickly swooned out, just as a blond haired boy suddenly came into the room. The girl continued, her statement causing the boy to give the girl a rather odd look. "You mean, you're related to Harry Potter?

Two big first year boys could be seen standing outside the door. The boy sat down, curious, despite his displeasure with the girl. Lynx spoke up. "Ahh, yes. Harry is actually my twin brother."

The blond haired boy suddenly raised an eyebrow up. "So, you actually know that jerk?"

"Jerk?" Lynx became slightly huffy. "My brother isn't a jerk. Well, I don't believe he is."

"I'll ask again if you've met him," the boy stated. "You look nothing like him. He's got black hair and green eyes."

Lynx pulled back her hair, to reveal green eyes. "I am like our mother." She realized she had caught the boys attention.

"And let me guess, he is like your guys father?" one of the girls asked.

"No. Not really. I mean, he _looks _like the man everyone believes to be our father, but in fact, James Potter isn't our real father," the girl stated. "Our mother wasn't in love with him, and had an affair."

"I'll bite and ask who this person is," the boy asked.

"Lucius Malfoy," Lynx stated. This caused the boy's eyebrow to suddenly twitch, while the girls suddenly burst out laughing. "What is so funny?"

The two girls got up to leave, and the one who had been skeptical due to her name spoke up. "You are such a liar."

"I am not," the girl stated. She then turned to the boy, who had a rather miffed look on his face. "You believe me, right?"

"Believe you?" the blond haired boy's voice cracked out. "I didn't believe you from the very beginning. Yet I was willing to let you run your mouth without saying _anything_, until you had the audacity to bring _my _father into this."

"Then, you are Harry and my half-brother," the girl squeaked out. "I can't believe I though you were rather handsome."

"Bloody hell! The daft girl believes her own lies!" the boy snapped out. "My father _never _had an affair with whoever Potter's mother was!"

"Well, how do you know!" Lynx snapped back.

"How do I know?" Draco paused for a second. "My father _never _would do that to my mother. I don't know anything about this... so called mother of yours."

"Lily..." Lynx beamed. "She was Muggle Born."

"Muggle Born?" Draco suddenly stood up. "Well, there you have the proof my father never had an affair with Potter's mother."

"You are just denying the truth," the girl stated, her cheeks puffing out as she hated being called a liar in the matter, even though deep down, she knew she was lying.

"My _father _is a Pureblood, and believes that we Wizards should keep our blood clean of contamination of Muggle blood," the boy stated, getting up to leave. "You didn't do good enough research."

"Well, just because my mother didn't have an affair with him, didn't mean that someone else didn't!" the girl snapped out.

Draco's head turned towards her, anger in his eyes. "You just made your social life at Hogwarts bloody hell." And with that, he was gone.

_Author's note – Lynx Potter happens to be Harry's twin sister, and the daughter of Lucius Malfoy, who just so happens to have her half-brother Draco falling for her. Snape also thinks that she looks promising, yet thinks that Draco or Harry is Lynx Potter._

_What can be learned from this Sue.  
I would personally avoid giving the OC an animal name... particularly since lynx are not native to Great Britain. It must be understood that Draco's father would never have fallen for the Mudblood Lily. The man is also head over heals in love with Narcissa. You would need a LOT of development in the how. Also, incest is not cute... it is a serious subject and should be treated seriously._


	3. Granger: Punk Hermione

Author's note – This whole fanfic falls under fair use. Please see first chapter.

_**Dedication – To the original Suethor. Writing a Mary Sue is part of the learning process of become a good writer. Some are minor Mary Sues, others are major ones. I hold that if done right, most characters can be turned into no longer being a Mary Sue. **_

**Magical Mary  
~_Hermione Granger_~_  
_**_Punk Hermione_

In the darkest of times, everyone needs a good laugh, something to make them all smile, to make them turn from the darkness back to the light, and back to the hope. Of course, there was the fact that most of the darkness hadn't crept into the lives of Harry Potter and his friends. The could still feel it, ever since Cedric's death, and the news that Voldemort had come back.

That was why getting in a good laugh was something that everyone should do, despite the fact Harry was miffed at the idea that everyone happened to have been enjoying themselves at Grimmauld while he had in fact been stuck at the Dursley's. Ginny and Hermione, along with Tonks, happened to decide to have a girls night, a sleep over so to speak.

While the girls dressed in normal pajamas, Tonks happened to dress in a lingerie, one that wasn't that revealing. They sat on the floor, talking about various girl things. The fact that the two teenaged girls adored Tonks was rather evident. They began to talk to each other about various girl woes, trusting the older woman as a definite role model.

"So... is there anyone you two particularly like?" Tonks asked, a smile on her face.

This caused Hermione and Ginny to suddenly glance at each other. Both laughed from merriment. Hermione spoke up first. "Ginny likes Harry."

"And Hermione likes my brother Ron," the red head stated firmly.

"So... why haven't either one of you asked them out?" Tonks stated. "Do you need any advice from an older female?"

"Well, mine happens to be from the fact that Harry very much knows that I have a crush on him," Ginny stated, her cheeks turning red. "However... I really embarrassed myself in front of him my first year in school."

"Harry seems nice though," Tonks shook her head. "I am sure to him it isn't that big of a deal."

"Well, there is also the fact that Ginny has rather come across as desperate. I told her that she should try dating other people, before she tries Harry again. Particularly since he hasn't gotten over Cho Chang. This also will give her experience. I said the right thing, right?" Hermione stated.

"No, that is good advice. You've got a real sensible head on your shoulders," Tonks stated.

"Well, Hermione's had to learn to be patient, considering that my brother can be a down right cad," Ginny stated.

"I am rather miffed with him right now," Hermione stated.

"Yes! He completely forgot she was a girl until it came to the Yule Ball!" Ginny's face was twisted up with disgust at her brother's actions. "I mean, does she have to look like she did at the Yule ball to notice her?"

"How about this?" Tonks commented, suddenly holding out her nose and blowing hard. She suddenly changed into Hermione Granger. Her hair shortened to about two inches, a bright pink, with dyed streaks in it. Ginny suddenly burst out laughing.

"You know, I might just do that to spite him, if it weren't for the fact that it would take _forever _for my hair to grow back_,_" Hermione bemoaned, her face twisted in irritation and thought of the reaction she hoped Ron would have.

Suddenly, the door swung open with Ron sticking his head in. "Hey... Hermione... uhh... that is a nice night gown. Why'd you let Tonks' do that to your hair?"

Hermione picked up a pillow from beside her and flung it at Ronald Weasly. "That's _not _me!"

"Don't ya know it isn't polite to walk into a girl's room at night?" Tonks stated, turning back to her normal self. Her eyes were stern, causing Ronald to back out sheepishly from the room.

_Author's note – The Canon Sue, Hermione Granger, became a punk rather then a goody-two-shoes, and Draco fell for her._

Also, I have three of these done. They take time, and they are not at all easy to write, as you have to break down and figure out what was the main problem with the Mary Sue. Each will vary too, on what I feel is needed.

_What can be learned from this Sue.  
Out of all the characters, Hermione Granger is the one that is most likely NEVER to be unhappy with who she is. Not to mention, J.K. Rowling did in fact create her with that in mind... just see the rant about skinny models on her profile. Also, Granger isn't a true good-two-shoes. As for Draco... well, I am a fan of Draco/Hermione, but... seriously, she's a Muggleborn. He won't easily fall for her. Oh! And lets just say that the clothing described in the sample was not punk style... it was something else._

Author's note – To the anon reviewer. I actually uploaded the wrong versions. The rules were rather... problematic. I took no offense at your review either. I am definitely trying to write the characters as realistically as possible. I am also purposefully leaving any bias I have for the reviews. I write this, so if the original Suethor were to read this, they will not only enjoy, but not feel bad for writing a Mary Sue. :)


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